It has come to the attention of the People’s Imperial Confederation leadership that our colony, Sidie’s Rangers, has declared war. Sidie’s Rangers has participated in an abundant spread of misinformation alongside their Russian counterparts, in hopes of spreading enough deception to turn our beloved troops against us. We determined this, combined with an array of other offenses, to be an unforgivable crime against the peaceful democracy of the Club Penguin community. As a result of Sidie’s Rangers horrendous acts of treason against the People’s Imperial Confederation, we officially counter-declare war. As this post continues we will expose detailed accounts of the terror we have suffered through the past weeks.
1.) Camperjohn64’s Assault on Democracy
When PIC soldiers had heard that Camperjohn64 the bully had awoken from a 9 year coma after a horrendous moped accident, we were apprehensive. It wasn’t until Camperjohn64 had approached PIC leadership in hopes of colonization that we began to feel safe and at ease. To show Sidie’s Rangers our gracious love and support, we even sent Camperjohn64 a complimentary fruit basket, full of Beanie’s native fruits:
Our feelings of peace and joy were short lived: only one day after the colonization became official, the ultra-radical, fascism-worshipping Camperjohn64 began organizing strategic raids on our beloved Capitol Hill.
We were absolutely appalled by Camperjohn64’s sudden aggression towards our peaceful and legal election. Implying that we, the People’s Imperial Confederation, would steal an election from our very own members proves how deranged and radical Camperjohn64 has become. Aggression from Sidie’s Rangers increased over the next week as tensions between our armies climbed.
The twisted Camperjohn64 had gone too far during the raid of our DNC headquarters. Sidie’s Rangers marched onto the doors of our sacred headquarters and demanded to see emails that never existed. Instead of Sidie’s Rangers focusing on rumored emails, they should be demanding Camperjohn64’s recent Beanie Coin tax return. The release of this important document will prove to the world once and for all that Camperjohn64 is a thief and perpetrator of treachery!
2.) Camperjohn64’s Relationship with Russia
Weeks ago, skilled confederate spies reported sightings of Camperjohn64 walking the beaches of Outback with Russian Dictator Vladimīr Putin! Before you scream “FAKE NEWS”, take a look at this photo our team was able to get ahold of!
Camperjohn64’s lawyer, Lord Pain, denies any and all claims of collusion with Russia, but certainly this photo proves otherwise! The question must be asked: what was Camperjohn64 conversing about with Putin? Why doesn’t Putin have an ice cream cone? Until those urgent and important questions are answered, we refuse to back down and will fight until Sidie’s Rangers’ bitter end.
3.) Camperjohn64’s Treatment of PIC Troops at the Border
Outback is a Confederate colony, therefore PIC leadership began sending our troops, scouts, and citizens to live a life there full of comfort and prosperity. Camperjohn64 met our troops with hostility, hatred, and hardness in heart; claiming that “these illegal and undocumented immigrants” weren’t welcome in the state of Outback. Ironically enough: the state of Outback was given to us by the great and holy Nancy Pelosi, and is our territory that we allowed Sidie’s Rangers to rule. We are absolutely horrified with a photo released by Confederate spies, of a PIC troop locked away in one of Camperjohn64’s inhumane holding facilities.
This is a call for justice! On this night, the 30th of May, the People’s Imperial Confederation declare Sidie’s Rangers a terrorist nation; one that must be conquered at all costs. From starving our crying troops at the border, to trying to abolish our democratic system: PIC Leadership demands that Camperjohn64 be imprisoned for the international war crimes committed against the CPA nation. These crimes cannot go unpunished and the People’s Imperial Confederation will not stop until we receive justice! Camperjohn64 is a dangerous con-artist and everyone must be warned!
Our fight will continue until our demands are met and we receive free health care for all Club Penguin citizens; including an increase of 75% tax on the top one percent. We also require an increase of minimum wage to 15 Beanie Coins per hour to all Outback residents!
Most importantly, this war will not end until the Beanie-Toboggan Border Wall is torn down, burned, and a peace treaty is signed.
Confederates, WHO WILL JOIN US?